Mediation tips

 Go with an open mind and open heart and put your interests and needs on the table. Let the opposing party put their interests and needs on the table and let the mediator decide future course of action.

You need to divide your interests into negotiable and non-negotiable ones. This will depend a lot on your circumstances, your personal interests and preferences and for long term peace, try to avoid seeking guidance or solutions from someone else. Their well meaning solutions may not apply for you if you have a different personality, circumstance, need or perspective compared to other person.

SC has a mediation training module which is really helpful. You should go through it at this link:

https://main.sci.gov.in/pdf/mediation/MT%20MANUAL%20OF%20INDIA.pdf

Good luck! he success rate of mediation in matrimonial proceedings is at 10-15%, so keep your fingers crossed and never compromise on non-negotiable interests.

If you have a criminal case registered against you, if you compromise and settle the matter, you're indirectly accepting that you committed a crime. You should first fight for an honorable acquittal and the false accuser should get punished for making a false accusation. Only then any settlement can happen. If it takes a lifetime, so be it. Change the system.

If you have court cases against you and the wife wants to come back to continue her life with you, then courts may no longer be involved in your marital life. So, both parties must take all cases back, clearly declare that the allegations in it were false and motivated to harass the other party and made in the heat of moment. They should display maturity in their statements and commitment to continue the marital life and give an affidavit to the court that in future, they are extremely embarassed and sorry to put false cases on husband and will not repeat such an act in future. They should also mention what steps they would take to ensure such acts are not repeated. If sincerity is not there, it is best to end marriages and go for shared parenting. 

For any demands by wife, say 20 lacs or 1 cr or 5 cr, she needs to give the basis and breakup of her needs on which the demand is being made. The rights of wife should also be analyzed in the backdrop of her contribution to the present status of the husband, her support during his tough years, duration of marriage, her ability to meet her needs, bonafide-ness of her needs etc. 

It is best to never give any lumpsum large sums of money for the child. If the money gets misappropriated, then the child's future can be severely jeopardized and as a father, you can never absolve yourself of the responsibility of maintaining the child whether he stays with you or not. So, if you have a child, accept the fact that you're going to pay for him till you are alive and be proud of it. Raising a child is one of the greatest purpose of human life. By regularly paying through the lifetime, you can also maintain a contact with the child and provide support in some uncertain future. Child will also need to provide support to you when you are old.

The ultimate goal of mediation is divorce with zero alimony and withdrawal of all cases. Unless you're getting this deal, don't put your signature anywhere. 

It is best to be civil and tactical at all times irrespective of what gets noted or not. Maintain your class , high moral ground and earn respect. Don't let your behavior or emotions embarrass yourself. You're a middle aged father with lots of life experiences and you can't react to every statement or situation when not needed. Summarize for everyone after every conversation. Be calm. Enjoy.

Golden rule: Never forget your right as well as duty to be silent. Silence is the best weapon. Who stays silent the longest in the mediation wins as nothing comes out of it. Don't argue, don't ask anything, don't counter, just listen and in the end say you will reply in next mediation.

Prepare these 2 questions:

- Aapko saath rehna hai? Do you want to live with your wife under the present facts and circumstances with years of separation, few criminal and civil cases in court etc? Do you think life can be continued with her?

My answer is I want to split this question into two parts: Based on the period when we stayed together, there's absolutely no reason to think of divorce. We had sufficient love and understanding.

Based on her behavior post separation, by cutting all communication and filing false cases, the answer is obviously no. I want to commit my whole life in ensuring she gets punished and goes to jail. However, if she gives sufficient reasons and tells that someone else misguided her and helps me in prosecution of the "abettor", there's some hope to save this marriage. Otherwise, the marriage is dead and I don't want to hesitate or run away from the reality. Trust and respect are the foundation of any relationship and if it is gone, there's no purpose of beating a dead cat. Be calm and confident. Make it clear that marital relationship is killed by her by going to police & court. So, there's not much scope for her to come back.

- How much money to pay?

There has to be some grounds or basis on which the payment is demanded and given. There's has to be a strict mathemetical, legal and ethical way of computation. You cannot just put a gun on my head and ask me to pay or threaten me with false cases using the police and law. That's not how police/law should function and in such circumstance, there's moral responsibility on me to resist the extortion even if I take birth and die 10 times. Standing up for the, for yourself, for justice is the most fundamental duties of your existence. Everything else including your well being, your career, your future, your family's future is secondary.

Prepare some catchup lines to lighten the day.

If someone ask for 5 crores, say "I have not killed anyone or taken someone's life." 

Itna sab gyaan sach me mat pel dena, pata chala mediator ka brain haemorraghe ho gaya and you're searching for "a good lawyer" for your brand new case.